So much thought has been going into the relationship I have with my daughter lately and even though it is challenging at times I don't want her and I to lose the bond we have.
I know my mum use to tell me I was challenging and she would send me off with my dad a lot. Even though the bond between my father and I is strong and there is something so special about a father-daughter relationship, I don't want to do what my mum did; I want to work through our problems together because not only is being a girl hard, but at that age when you hit puberty you become so fragile with all the emotions that come with it. I want to guide her through her emotions as a women even though half the time I don't understand them myself.
So last night as she sobbed on her bed and spoke about how she wants to be a better person with how she speaks to me, when words come out of her mouth before she even gets to think of them, and they come out nasty and unkind, how it makes her feel stupid that she can't control what she says with the anger in her tone. I tried to explain to her that even as an adult words can come out before you even speak and how so many of us speak with sharp tongues. She says to me "but you tell me off" and I say "I am your mum and as a mum it is my job to teach you to be a kind and respectful person to others. As a mum I don't know everything about parenting, I'm just doing my best to make you a person who is kind and cares for others and has respect for your parents and adults around you, I'm trying to shape you to be the best person you can be. I see so much kindness in your heart and I want that person to shine through. I know that it's not easy being an angel all the time and no person is. We all have our moments and girl's hormones can be super crazy sometimes, you are a kid, you're meant to be a kid, don't try to grow up too soon babe, childhood is some of the best years of your life."
I know she won't turn into an angel over night. But I'm trying, I'm always trying. Trying to be the best mum I can be with the little that I know. And I tell you I had know idea that the tween-teen age would be such a challenging period in their lives. I thought growing these little humans in your body was the most amazing thing. Then they come out and it is the most amazing beautiful thing a women can do. And as you stumble through this strange world of motherhood and these beautiful little humans grow, watching them through every milestone of their first smile, first words, then they walk, it's like 'keep up mum' and there's no stopping them. You then get to this stage where you realise that all you have taught them and teaching them is moulding them to adulthood and I know it's not all up to me but I feel most of who they are is what I'm guiding them through. With all the challenges I know they have ahead of them I want to protect them, but I have to remember you have to fall before you can fly.
So one day my daughter and I had I fight and I thought to myself are we going to get through this, is our bond going to be broken. And as we drove in the car the song Stand By You, by Rachel Platten came on. And as it played these words came on and even though she was angry with me I said to her this is yours and my song. The words were these... 'Hands, put your empty hands in mine. And scars, show me all the scars you hide. And hey, if your wings are broken please take mine so yours can open too. Cause I'm going to stand by you... Even if we're breaking down, we can find a way to break through. Even if you can't find heaven, I'll walk through hell with you, love you're not alone, cause I'm going to stand by you.' So we both have that song now and will play it at times to cut the tension in the air. So mothers you may have to walk through hell to find heaven but know they will stand by you.